


Tastefully Ill

by velveteenpeach



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Body Image, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, mentions blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 07:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8789725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velveteenpeach/pseuds/velveteenpeach
Summary: “Sometimes when I’m fighting monsters or solving a puzzle, I don't really care if I make it out alive.” His voice cracks in a way that is unusual for the Elf, “I don’t care because, what does my life matter when I’m responsible for so many deaths?” Taako is sad and lil Angus helps a bro out.First fic; criticism encouraged.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Rylee if you're reading this fuck off.
> 
> Anyways this is my first fic I've written since maybe 7th grade so go easy on me. I wish I could say that English isn't my first language as an excuse for my poor writing but honestly I just suck orz
> 
> Also I staring writing this at 7 am while under the influence so good luck friend

Sometimes he wouldn't even notice the feeling of dread and hopelessness creep up on it. Sometimes it would hit him like a brick in the middle of the night. 

He wanders through the twisting and turning halls of the corridors at three in the morning, looking for a reason to crush the swirling, ugly emotions that seem to find him while everyone rests, peacefully asleep. He always finds that it’s hard to ignore your feelings when there’s no one around to distract you. He drags his nails across the cinderblock walls long enough to make his fingertips numb with overstimulation, and for a minute he wishes the overstimulation in his mind would too make his thoughts just as static as his hands. 

Even on the moon, hundreds of miles into the velvety depths of space from the earth’s surface, the dormitory was always boiling hot. It was often the young Elf would wake up in fits of sweat, no matter the variables—and it didn't help that four grown men were stuffed into a tiny, prison-cell of a room. It was nearly every night he would take it upon himself to go for walks across the courtyard to cool himself down and clear his mind of the often reoccurring nightmares that snaked themselves into his mind, and despite wearing only boxer briefs and a silk pink robe, tonight was no different. 

The cement was cool on his bare feet. It was what was comparable to autumn outside, and while there were no trees to be changing the color of leaves, or rain falling to create stagnant puddles, the air somehow still reminded Taako of the warm and welcoming forests on earth. The synthetic turf that he feels in between his toes when he walks further to the center of the quad does nothing to help his homesickness. He almost laughs out loud. How could he possibly be homesick when he’s never really had a home?

The subtle chill begins to nip at his skin as he reaches the inner circle of the courtyard. At this point he can see every residence hall and building the Bureau of Balance has to offer. And suddenly his throat clenches and nose sharply inhale as he chokes back a sob. He swallows and resists the temptation to let himself go. _Not here_ , he thinks, _not in the middle of the fucking campus._

He thinks about how he signed up for a stupid organization that he initially knew nothing about, and the contract he’s now bound to; how eager he was to finally have something—someone who wanted him and needed him. He had hurt so many people before but despite that there were people who looked at him and still saw a good person that could help save the _world_ and yet—

And yet he felt like a complete idiot for even thinking that these people saw him as something more than a tool.

Because he was just annoying Taako Taaco, the mediocre wizard that had the common sense of a walnut and the charisma of a sad clown at a child’s ninth birthday party. For Christ’s sake he had to cast charm on anyone so much as talk to them for them to not be uncomfortable by his natural, flirtatious behavior. Just because he was gay didn’t mean he wanted to bone every mildly attractive guy he saw, and it was frustrating to have people reject him before he had even asked, as if that were his intentions to begin with.

_It’s probably because I’m ugly_ , he thinks, looking at his ragged nails with black chipped paint coated on each digit. His fingers are long and spindly—the color of murky ocean water. As he sits on the thick turf he examines his gangly legs. Like the rest of his body, they look malnourished and sickly thin, with the kneecaps defined sharply and ankles small enough for his fingers to be able to completely wrap around. He knows for a fact that the way he eats isn’t considered healthy, but every time he goes to take a bite a tidal wave of guilt and nausea seems to completely wash over his body, and his famish diminishes to almost nothing. He can practically see the drops of blood fall onto his plate, coughed up by the civilians’ who’s faces he couldn’t seem to remember.

And now Taako’s mind had wandered too far because his throat hurts from holding back, but before he’s even allowed to take a steady breath to calm himself down he hears his name call out behind him. 

It’s Angus. 

Taco doesn’t turn around. He just clenches his teeth and shuts his eyes and pretends he didn't hear, standing up quickly and taking a step forward as if walking away would get the point across that he wanted to be alone. 

He wanted to be alone, right?

But unfortunately for him, Angus is a persistent little boy, and an even more persistent friend, so when he quickly catches up to the wizard, running in front of him so that Taako can’t ignore him, he’s forced to a stop, staring down at the young human. 

“I brought you a jacket, because I saw that you were wearing less than appropriate clothes for the weather,” the detective says, handing Taako a brown, fluffy hoodie. It’s completely out of Taako’s fashion choice, but the longer he looks at the warm offering, the more he realizes how little the silk robe protects him from the elements. He take it and nods, lips pursed in attempt to hide his obvious frown. Taco decides its about time to be heading back to the dorm anyways.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Angus finally asks, after a few minutes pass. He doesn’t look up an Taako, but instead reaches for his hand in comfort. 

It takes a few seconds to finally say, but after a half a minute Taako finally responds, “I’m always sad. Like, really, really sad.”

Angus doesn't respond, he just looks down at the sidewalk that they finally made their way to. 

“And like,” Taako begins again, voice less sure of what to say than before, “Sometimes when I’m fighting monsters or solving a puzzle, I don't really care if I make it out alive.” His voice cracks in a way that is unusual for the Elf, “I don’t care because, what does my life matter when I’m responsible for so many deaths?” 

He stops there, knowing that if he goes any further he’ll just be a gross, sobbing mess. Guilt creeps up from the bottom of his feet to his lungs, which feel absolutely malfunctioned at this point. Angus is 10 years old and way too young to be venting to about his emotional traumas he realizes. His breathing is shallow and shaky, and he grinds his teeth to make the water in his eyes stop from falling.

“You’re the only family I have now, you know,” Angus says quietly—so quietly, that even Taako almost doesn't hear it, “You’re my only family and I promise I love you no matter what.”

And with that Taako comes to a halt and turns to the boy with a start. When Angus sheepishly looks up at the taller of the two, that’s when the latter lets himself break.

He breaks and he cries and he falls apart in front of this 10 year old boy who followed him outside at 3 am just to give him a stupid sweater and hold his stupid hand through the dark and cold courtyard. 

He crouches down and engulfs the boy in a tight, tight embrace and chokes and sobs, and in return Angus wraps his little arms around the Elf as well as he can, rubbing his hands up and down his back, feeling the notches in his spine. 

And in this moment, Taako knows he’ll be ok.


End file.
